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I am not as organized as you might think. Sometimes I write things that I think sound awesome as fuck. I save them. At least I think I saved them. Then on another day or week I go to find that awesomeness and I can’t find it anywhere. Like WTF happened to that good shit. So then I say to myself “it couldn’t have been that awesome because you (meaning me) can’t even find it.” “If it was that awesome then it would want to be found so I can share it with you.”

A little piece of the story of my life and this writing process. It hasn’t been easy. I’ve made it a little tougher than it needs to be.

I might have erased it by accident. All that goodness in words. At least that’s what happened tonight. And the other night. And the other night too. I have to do better. I seem to take care of everybody else’s stuff much better and much more professional than my own. This will change.

In this chapter I was wanting to dig deeper into the relationship I have with my mother and in so doing take an even deeper dive into the relationship that I have with myself. In the book “It Didn’t Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle” by Mark Wolynn the author recalls a mysterious sickness that took over his body. The doctors didn’t know wtf. His ailment was not in their medical book. After traditional medicine failed him he eventually sought out the best gurus the world had to offer. And spared no expense in getting an audience with these world reknown healers. After waiting in line with his all whites to hear the wisdom of the ages and what he needed to do to heal (on two different occasions, in two different countries) both gurus told him the same thing “go home to your mother.” He wanted to cuss them out. He spent major ducats to sit face to face and hear the reason why he was sick. And the response was “go home.” He would not be healed of all his trauma and physical ailment until he sat at his mother’s feet and began the process of repairing the relationship.

I see how this can be true. We originate from mother. If that relationship is broken, tarnished, filled with untruths, how can anything else be completely whole? Tell me.

Of late I have been feeling like I haven’t been very good to myself, to my body, to my soul. I am often lethargic and will grasp on to any fleeting excuse to deviate from my diet and workout regime.  Borderline depression. I was wanting to (through my words) be honest and not cover up my feelings of abandonment and shame. I am past the stage where I was (not too long ago) taking the lead on the blame game. Now. I just want to talk about it in all its uncomfortableness. I was wanting to in a loving way address the many lies that existed between us. I wanted to tell my mother how I felt in the most loving way and with the most loving words that I could find how she has helped and hurt me. But I also wanted to hear from her how I may of hurt her over the years. How just being a Black woman in corporate America may have caused her pain. And me too.  We never swapped war stories. Ever.

I would do this in a letter that would also be a chapter and use that chapter to open up the conversation. At least that was what I thought.

The reality is I spent most of my life being afraid of my mother. Spare the rod and spoil the child was her motto. The leather belt was her tool. Beating times she became someone else. Someone who I didn’t know.

She worked hard to raise two children as a “single” parent and I grew up reminding her everyday of my someone she would rather forget. My father. I was his spitting image. I imagined even as a child that every time she saw me, she saw him and it was a site that she would rather not see.

So I was planning on finding an easy way to have some very difficult dialog with Mama. I was gonna start with my pen.

I started some of this process about a month ago when I found out that I was born under trauma. My Mama and Daddy had been fighting. She told him to leave. But he came back raging, trying to break the door down. It was then that her water broke. I never knew this story. I never knew my father either. Not really. Thought he was dead most of my life.  That’s what I was told. Until I met him in the flesh some years later after he rose again.

So this story of my birth got me thinking about how that trauma may have shaped my relationship with men and with my mother and with myself and maybe even lead to some breakthrough in my life.

But that didn’t happen because I received the latest results of my labs and the results took me for an unexpected turn. Every month I see an Oconlogist and I get blood work done. My blood work is my roadmap. It tells me what’s working and what isn’t. It guides me through my red and white blood cells, hints at the condition of my liver other vital organs.

One of these test is generally known as the Cancer Marker 27 – 29. Google describes it as “This test measures how much CA 27-29 is in your blood. Breast cancer is the cancer most likely to release CA 27-29. The FDA has approved the CA 27-29 blood test as a way for healthcare providers to monitor people with breast cancerAntigens like CA 27-29 that give information about cancer are called tumor markers.”

But for me the numbers meant everything and for the past few months my markers have been coming down going from the high hundreds down the low hundreds. However, my  labs last week showed an increase. This news devastated me for a second or two. I had been doing so well. WTF. I reached out to one of my friends who said “you been here before you can reverse this”. He was right. I have been at my worst and came back. These simple words brought me back to myself. I was out there on a plank. Momentary devastation. I have found that it is the men in my life that have been able to get me off the cliff or pull me away from the edge but it is the women in my life that keep me off (metaphorically speaking).

My lab results were an unwanted reminder that I had to review everything. What I was eating, thinking, doing and to take another look at my list of supplements and all I was ingesting.

So instead of working through my Mama issues I am sharing what my regiment has consisted of. I will also be reviewing to see where I may have slacked. Cause obviously I slacked somewhere. I will be going over this list over the next few days.  Need to get this right and back on track.

I trust this list will help you or someone you know out here. It has kept me alive. And I plan on staying alive so that I can have some honest conversations with my Mother. Those conversations will be laced with healing.

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Karen

Karen’s Supplements and Their Benefits

SERRAPEPTASE HIGH POTENCY

Dose: 120,000 SPU

Use: Digestive Benefits

Proteolytic (Protein destroyer) enzyme from bacteria native to the digestive system of silkworms. It is the enzyme responsible for dissolving a silkworm’s cocoon. Traditionally, serrapeptase has been used for its anti-inflammatory properties. Today, it is marked as a joint health supplement. Other benefits because this proteolytic enzyme breaks down proteins and tissues, there is great interest in using it for dissolving fibroids.

CHARCOAL HERBAL

Use: Digestive Benefits

One of the finest natural absorbent agents. Each particle contains many small chambers and cavities that capture or bind-up unwanted materials and gas which are safely carried out of the digestive system.

FULL SPECTRUM DIGESTIVE SUPPORT

Use: Digestive Supplement

Betaine, Pepsin, and Pancreatin. Normalizes the stomachs acidity and relieves indigestion, bloating, and gas. Supporter of healthy digestion.

MILK THISTLE

Use: Liver Supplement

Supports healthy liver function. Reduces the growth of cancer cells in breast, lung, colon, prostate, cervical, and renal cancers. Another benefit is improvement of blood glucose levels.

COMPLETE MULTI LIVER DETOX SUPPORT

Use: Detoxes the Liver

This supplement supports the immune system, discourages liver stones, weight loss, supports whole body detox, boosts energy, and increases vitality. The goal in cleansing your liver, is to rid your liver of toxins and leave it healthy and fully functional.

BLOODROOT CAPSULES with GRAVIOLA, CHAPARRAL, and GALANGAL

Use: Attacks Tumors in the Digestive tract.

Native American Indians used the main ingredient for tumors, for digestive tract disease, mouth and gum problems, respiratory issues and treatment for skin problems. Other benefits, anti-viral, antibiotic and anti-inflammatory benefits.

ASTRAGALUS ROOT

Use: Supplement

This supplement is a prevention of heart diseases. It acts as an antioxidant and helps in getting rid of the free radicals. It is used to treat hypertension, improve cardiac function and prevent congestive heart failure. It is believed to help in quick recovery after chemo therapy used to increase the white blood cell count and treat anemia. Although not proven, the root of this herb is believed to aid in prevention of kidney diseases and cancer to some extent.

BURDOCK (ORGANIC GOBO ROOT)

Use: Blood Purifier

Burdock is believed to clear the bloodstream of toxins, lymphatic system strengthener, natural diuretic, skin healer, defend against diabetes, combat cancer tumors. Many herbalists today say Burdock Root can stop cancer cells from metastasizing making it a potential natural cancer treatment.

CHLOROXYGEN CHLOROPHYL CONCENTRATE

Use: Builds Red Blood Cells

Building red blood cells, increasing oxygen. It supports the production of RBC’s and tis blood-oxygen carrying capacity. Other benefits, are to boost energy levels.

AROMAT 8-PN

Use: Supplement

Aromat 8-PN delivers a unique, proprietary blend of 8-Prenylnaringenin from hops and plant-lignan extract at clinically relevant levels. Research suggests Lignans and 8-PN can support the body’s natural process of healthy aromatase activity and exert phytoestrogen and antioxidant activity.

CURCUMASORB (PURE ENCAPSULATIONS)

Use: Supplement

Curcumin-Phosphatioylcholine is used for enhanced absorption and bioavailability. The remarkable breadth of applications of curcumin stem from its multifocal mechanisms involving diverse intracellular signaling pathways and the regulation of hundreds of genes involved in cytokine balance, detoxification and cellular health. C-reactive protein levels provided significant benefit in joint comfort, mobility, and quality of life.

PERFECT AMINO

Use: Supplement

The benefits of Amino is that it regulates almost all of the metabolic processes in the human body, and they are essential for a healthy body. Basic building blocks of the body. They are also sources of energy, like fats and carbohydrates.

MAITAKE D FRACTION

Use: Anti-cancer, Anti-tumor supplement

The supplement is highly promoted as a potent anti-cancer and anti-tumor remedy. They are also known to help relieve the effects of chemotherapy. Reversal or prevention of tumor growth are other benefits to be gained by consuming the mushroom.

Category Blood Type Diets Supplements

Live Cell (Blood Type O)

Sprouted food supplement optimized for Blood Type O.

Benefits: Sprouted foods health benefits include high levels of dietary fiber, B complex vitamins and protein.

Phytocal Multi-Mineral (Blood Type O)

Benefits: This unique ingredient in phytocal O is maerl-based sea calcium which is the only natural source of calcium with a broad enough buffering range to work effectively with the different digestive capabilities of each blood type. The rare seaweed contains trace amounts of essential nutrients such as magnesium, boron and zinc.

Food Supplements:

 APRICOT POWER B17 AMYGDALIN

Use: Primarily used to help support a healthy immune system.

Apricot is a naturally occurring molecule found in over 1,200 different foods including fruits, vegetables, nuts, grains, and seeds.

BITTER APRICOT SEED

Use/ Benefits:

The apricot pits (seed) is sold as a therapeutic food. Some proponents of alternative medicine state that the apricot kernels can be used as a preventive or even a cure for cancer.

OCEANS ALIVE 2.0 MARINE PHYTOPLANKTON

Benefits:

Marine Phytoplankton is known for their health and detoxification benefits. Marine phytoplankton is the most important plant in the world, providing almost all of the earths oxygen and serving as a vital food supply for marine life and humans.

Supplemental Drinks

Brand: KATE FARMS

  1. Komplete: contains 290 calories

No soy, dairy, gluten, and is allergen free.

  1. Core essentials with peptides: Contains 500 calories

A ready to use enzymatically hydrolyzed, peptide- based formula for complete nutritional needs.

SORREL TEA:

Sorrel is a fascinating perennial herb that is used all around the world and is cultivated for a wide variety of uses. Although it is primarily grown for use in food, due to its sharp, tangy taste, it also has a vast array of health benefits.

Benefits:

Prevents cancer, aids in digestion, regulates blood pressure, improves eyesight, aids in circulation and energy.

GINGER TEA:

Ginger contains Gingerol, a substance with powerful medicinal properties. There are several benefits to drinking ginger tea.

Benefits:

Ginger can treat many forms of nausea, especially morning sickness. Loss of appetite, motion sickness, and pain. The root or underground stem (rhizome) of the ginger plant can be consumed fresh, powdered, dried as a spice, in oil form, or as a juice.

SOURSOP TEA:

Soursop tea boats an impressive list of health benefits including its ability to prevent the development and spreading of cancer, lower blood pressure, boost the immune system, protect the skin, aid in weight loss, improve digestion, and soothe inflammation.

Soursop is a Vitamin C super fruit that may help fight Cancer. These vitamins and minerals are why soursop benefits include potentially helping reduce eye disease, and treat infections.

DANDELION ROOT TEA:

Benefits:

Dandelion root tea may aid and soothe digestive ailments. Dandelion tea can have many positive effects on your digestive system, although much of the evidence is anecdotal. It has historically been used to improve appetite, sooth minor digestive ailments, and possibly relieve constipation. Dandelion tea has been known to ease the congestion of the liver, help purify the bladder and kidney, and reduces the risk of urinary tract infections.

 Swiss Kriss:

Use: Colon Relief

Swiss Kriss is a natural herbal laxative which gently allows relief of constipation.

 Life Extension Supplements:

OPTIMIZED QUERCETIN:

A flavonoid (Plant Pigment) commonly found in fruits and vegetables. Quercetin possess potent antioxidants, which fight against free radicals. Chemically reactive compounds that damage cell membranes and DNA and also cause cell death.

DOPA-MIND:

Helps promote healthy dopamine levels to help support and maintain youthful cognitive health supports concentration and brain function may be of benefit in those wishing to stop smoking.

COGNITEX:

Enhances cognitive function the gastrodin acts as a “brain shield” calming brain cells and helping to protect against oxidant, inflammatory, and excitatory damage. Gastrodin’s multiple modes of action work together to improve circulation and shield the brain from age-related insults. The brain of free radicals from normal metabolism. Cognitex contains and number of phytonutrient based antioxidants that work best in lipid fat rich environment like the brain.

CALCIUM CITRATE WITH VITAMIN D:

Health benefits; mineral calcium is well known for its key role in bone health, heart rhythm, muscle functions and more.

SUPER SELENIUM COMPLEX:

Selenium is a mineral added to a healthy diet to prevent or treat low selenium levels. Selenium protects cells from oxidative stress and helping the thyroid produce hormones. Selenium works as a powerful antioxidant in the body.

Studies have observed a trend in which lower concentrations of Selenium correlated with an increased risk of certain types of Cancer.

PQQ CAPS

Pyrroloquinoline quinone benefits overall improvement in energy levels, improve cognitive function and memory.

Photo: Hannah Bijoux, Stylist Photographer: Terrell Clark.
By ttsadm